whitewillow

He called to say he was frightened at night.  He explained that his son would arrive in his bedroom after midnight each night and ask for two hundred dollars.  He is old and frail and afraid to say no to his son.  He gives the boy the money each night.  It has been gong on for over a year now.  He needs help but does not know what to do.  He is unable to say “NO”.

I come to visit after the call and notice his left knee is not right.  He is in pain as he limps toward me.  I ask what happened and he says he twisted it one day.  He claims he is fine.  In fact everything is terrific.  Thank you for coming but everythingworked out.  I do not ask.  I do, however, see that he has a meniscus tear in his left knee cap and is in need of medical attention, most likely a laproscopic procedure to clean out the torn tissue and allow a repair to take place.

I stay for a week and notice the son does not come while I am visible.  He only comes at night.  I realize he has brought this man to his knees.  I decide I need to shield this man and his family from this son.  I stay indefinitely.

Two years have passed.  The son was removed from the premises and ordered to stay away.  It has been nearly two years since the hearing.  He returns from his imprisonment and tries to go back to the way things were.  The son visits the man.  The man returns home with a knee injury.  His check book is one thousand dollars less.

The wife of the old man, who when I first arrived, refused to eat anything other than hard boiled eggs and frozen yogurt, once more, refuses to eat anything but hard boiled eggs and frozen yogurt.  The cancer diagnosis came after my first six months here.  Her diet changed radically and we have been able to keep the cancer at bay while removing daily headaches and signs of psychotic neurosis.  Since the return of her son, she is restless and retreating into her old habitual patterns of life.  The disabled daughter also has been showing signs of increased anxiety.  She always acted these out by binge eating or walking in circles around the kitchen tables for hours on end.  We have managed to reduce her cholesterol by one hundred points without medications and  lowered her blood pressure back into a “safe” zone.  She is now showing signs of depression, anxiety and an increase of poor eating habits, not to mention the circular patterns which have been missing for over a year are present.

I am back at stage one.  Watching and waiting for something to change.  It was once said that if we continue to do the same thing in life and expect a different result, we are deemed crazy or insane.  Gently shifting how this family operates was my main concern upon arrival.  We managed to reduce the stress levels significantly.  We restored health and reclaimed the dignitiy of each member of the household.. 

It is still uncertain as to how long the current situation at hand will be tolerable.  Clearly the sons absence has not altered the inherent patterns instilled in each member of this family.  I may just have to relocate the household to a safer environment away from the son who seems incapable of learning how to care for himself in a way that is beneficial to all. 

Trackback URI | Comments RSS